We arrived in Kyrgyzstan yesterday at like 7 or 8 in the morning...maybe it was noon. I have no idea. I think the actual time elapsed in our journey was like 30 hours...but 43 or so with the time change. It was sorta like traveling through time. The plane ride sucked so bad that I don't even wanna talk about and thus relive it. Basically it was a gigantic jet fill to the brim with big people in too many clothes, without AC, and with rifles filling what little foot space there was. Miserable. And they kept feeding us. But it was too hot to sleep.
Kyrgyzstan, however, is much nicer. Its a small former Soviet state to the northeast of Afghanistan. Manas (mah-NAS) Air Force Base is here, basicaically a transient quarters for troops entering or leaving theatre.
We are in a warehouse sized tent filled with bunk beds. There is internet, showers, a PX, some shops (with some local stuff, I'll probably buy some of it when we leave) and the chow hall is 24hrs. The chow hall is by far the best military food I've ever had. On top of that it has a ton of fruit and shelves and shelves or candy and soda. Doesn't seem that healthy....hmm.
We are leaving here sometime in the near future....I can't really say. But by next week we will be in country. Its all been pretty exciting. Supposedly the C-130s we will be riding to Leatherneck in do combat take offs and landings...I don't really know what that means but I think it just means they do it really fast. We'll see how that goes.
There isn't much to tell yet...on the way here we stopped in Ireland and Romania but all we saw was the airport. Ireland looked pretty out the window though. The weather in Bishkek (That't the city we are near...I think its the capital and I have no idea if I spelled it right) is very nice. Not hot, not cold. Its been kinda cloudy today but I heard on the radio (like in Good Morning Vietnam!) that it was 110 in Kabul...pretty near Leatherneck, so that should be fun lol. I'm looking forward to getting there and doing my job. I was talking to a friend back in Pendleton, I don't remember what were talking about but I was probably complaining. He said that the way he looks at it is that its not so much our job to kill the enemy but to save the lives of our guys, because we try to locate IEDs and Insurgents before they strike our convoys and patrols. I think I'll think about it that way too.
I think I'll be seeing Murray in the near future, he is supposed to go to Leatherneck to pick up some more gear for their team soon. Mom, we are dating, I don't know why I didn't mention this when I was home. So, tell the children, I'm sure they will be very excited. Lol.
Thats all I got for now.
I love you all.
Jess
PS...I've been trying to think of a cool call sign on the off chance that I get one ( I don't think I will, but here's to hoping!)...I'll take suggestions.
20100902
20100808
FrogMerit
Ok, guys. I was going to start an entire new blog entitled FrogMerit to detail my adventures in Afghanistan. But I didn't. I like the format of blogger and I'm attached to this blog so, just consider this a new era of Jess blogging.
To may family and friends:
Previous posts on this blog have been sanitized. I've left only a couple of the lastest ones because frankly, I
m not sure I want all of you to be reading things I've written for the past 4 years. They might be ABOUT you. Access to the blog is pretty limited.
Most of all I just want you to know whats goin on with me. I'll try to update as often as I can and tell you as much as I can. As you can imagine, a lot of stuff we do can't really be put on the internet (we like to call it OPSEC- operational security) but I'll explain as much as I can. I love you guys and I miss you all. Don't worry about my safety (even though I know you will), this is what I've been wanting to do my whole life. I just hope before I come home I can do something to contribute to the overall stabilization and especially to the rights of women in Afghanistan. You may not think we belong over there, that we shouldnt try to create anything where we aren't wanted, etc. But women are begging for our help...and which of you, if his brother asks for bread, would give him stone? Especially when we hold all the bread.
I love you and miss you. Follow the Ellipses all the way to Afghanistan.
-Jess
To may family and friends:
Previous posts on this blog have been sanitized. I've left only a couple of the lastest ones because frankly, I
m not sure I want all of you to be reading things I've written for the past 4 years. They might be ABOUT you. Access to the blog is pretty limited.
Most of all I just want you to know whats goin on with me. I'll try to update as often as I can and tell you as much as I can. As you can imagine, a lot of stuff we do can't really be put on the internet (we like to call it OPSEC- operational security) but I'll explain as much as I can. I love you guys and I miss you all. Don't worry about my safety (even though I know you will), this is what I've been wanting to do my whole life. I just hope before I come home I can do something to contribute to the overall stabilization and especially to the rights of women in Afghanistan. You may not think we belong over there, that we shouldnt try to create anything where we aren't wanted, etc. But women are begging for our help...and which of you, if his brother asks for bread, would give him stone? Especially when we hold all the bread.
I love you and miss you. Follow the Ellipses all the way to Afghanistan.
-Jess
20100526
We Have an Emergency, So Are You Listening?
Well, I might make it through this week yet. However:
I'm broke (like, completely)
Haven't really hit the gym very hard this week
Been drunk 2 out of three nights (hungover once! :-/)
Been late to PT
Been a shitbag
Not cared about work
Almost assualted an NCO
The Heep's softtop (which I bought from a guy, without really checking it over cuz Ima Dumbass) is pretty much falling apart. I'm gonna end up buying a new skin for it ~ $350
ummmm....
Prob don't get to go to LA this weekend.
I've had McDonalds TWICE! (which is more than I've had it in like the past year)
fuck. Yeah I suck. Buuuuuuuut:
Got a new guitar (even though I can't afford it)
My computer got fixed so now I may just sell this one, which would be some nice $$
Prob gonna buy a bikini top for the Jeep with some of that ^ $$
Might get a tattoo this weekend.
Whatever. I think I'm putting on (muscle) weight, which I don't really need to do but I've come to the conclusion that I don't give a shit what the Marine Corps thinks of my weight, cuz I've seen a ton of fat bitches and I'm constantly being told that I'm one of the only chicks the that doesn't fall out of runs (this is sad cuz I'm actually pretty slow). But seriously, the deltoid (whats left of it) around Phrank is HUGE and I'm getting pecs. There is a divid in the middle of my chest where you can see the two separate muscles. It's weird. Been doing a lot of swimming. Need to do more running. Crossfit tonight and it's one of my favorite WODs (Deadlifts/Burpees!)
Laters
Jess
I'm broke (like, completely)
Haven't really hit the gym very hard this week
Been drunk 2 out of three nights (hungover once! :-/)
Been late to PT
Been a shitbag
Not cared about work
Almost assualted an NCO
The Heep's softtop (which I bought from a guy, without really checking it over cuz Ima Dumbass) is pretty much falling apart. I'm gonna end up buying a new skin for it ~ $350
ummmm....
Prob don't get to go to LA this weekend.
I've had McDonalds TWICE! (which is more than I've had it in like the past year)
fuck. Yeah I suck. Buuuuuuuut:
Got a new guitar (even though I can't afford it)
My computer got fixed so now I may just sell this one, which would be some nice $$
Prob gonna buy a bikini top for the Jeep with some of that ^ $$
Might get a tattoo this weekend.
Whatever. I think I'm putting on (muscle) weight, which I don't really need to do but I've come to the conclusion that I don't give a shit what the Marine Corps thinks of my weight, cuz I've seen a ton of fat bitches and I'm constantly being told that I'm one of the only chicks the that doesn't fall out of runs (this is sad cuz I'm actually pretty slow). But seriously, the deltoid (whats left of it) around Phrank is HUGE and I'm getting pecs. There is a divid in the middle of my chest where you can see the two separate muscles. It's weird. Been doing a lot of swimming. Need to do more running. Crossfit tonight and it's one of my favorite WODs (Deadlifts/Burpees!)
Laters
Jess
20100522
500 days of....
I signed up for Netflix. Big committment. 500 Days of Summer is in my queue (quay of "q"). Great movie.
"...Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing..."
Oh to not feel a thing. I'm almost there.
"...Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing..."
Oh to not feel a thing. I'm almost there.
20091215
Fembots Part II
It seems I tend to ramble and let thoughts fall carelessly out of my head so, after rereading and rethinking last night's post, I may have not been entirely clear.
Fault for this state of affairs is not with chauvinistic men or the US or the government or Recruit Training (and don't get me wrong, there are oh-so-many problems with the MCRDs)...nono. If we want fault we only need look at ourselves. WE are the ones who have allowed this thought pattern to be perpetuated. By complaining that packs are too heavy, bars too high, conditions too poor etc. If you want respect than you have to be willing to do more than anyone to get it. I just don't see that within the general female service member population. What if the military didn't lower physical standards for females at all?
We have been all too willing to sell ourselves short in terms of what we can do. I am so sick of hearing that women's bodies are not made for this or that. HUMAN bodies are not made to grow to upwards of 300lbs of lard but shit, we have no problem with that. Truth is we're soft and when shit gets hard we'd much rather just trim the standards down to what the avg woman can do. FUCK THAT. Who ever wanted to be average.
If we want respect we are going to have to fight for it and step out of our physical comfort zone. Truth is this: until females are completing training and PT evolutions at the same standards as males, we will always be looked upon as inferior.
One of my favorite quotes from a book is below, it is from a fantasy book and is a response from a warrior when asked how long and hard he will fight:
"'Til shade is gone, 'til water is gone, into the shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with my last breath."
As most of my ramblings like this end...obviously if we had more of the Spartan-like culture that we used to value, motivating people to go above and beyond wouldn't be much of a problem. But, the only thing we can get motivated for lately is a smoke break.
Jes
I guess I should add that I am in no way this motivated all the time, but I try to do what I know would make my mom and Nanny proud most of the time...and they are BAMFs.
Fault for this state of affairs is not with chauvinistic men or the US or the government or Recruit Training (and don't get me wrong, there are oh-so-many problems with the MCRDs)...nono. If we want fault we only need look at ourselves. WE are the ones who have allowed this thought pattern to be perpetuated. By complaining that packs are too heavy, bars too high, conditions too poor etc. If you want respect than you have to be willing to do more than anyone to get it. I just don't see that within the general female service member population. What if the military didn't lower physical standards for females at all?
We have been all too willing to sell ourselves short in terms of what we can do. I am so sick of hearing that women's bodies are not made for this or that. HUMAN bodies are not made to grow to upwards of 300lbs of lard but shit, we have no problem with that. Truth is we're soft and when shit gets hard we'd much rather just trim the standards down to what the avg woman can do. FUCK THAT. Who ever wanted to be average.
If we want respect we are going to have to fight for it and step out of our physical comfort zone. Truth is this: until females are completing training and PT evolutions at the same standards as males, we will always be looked upon as inferior.
One of my favorite quotes from a book is below, it is from a fantasy book and is a response from a warrior when asked how long and hard he will fight:
"'Til shade is gone, 'til water is gone, into the shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with my last breath."
As most of my ramblings like this end...obviously if we had more of the Spartan-like culture that we used to value, motivating people to go above and beyond wouldn't be much of a problem. But, the only thing we can get motivated for lately is a smoke break.
Jes
I guess I should add that I am in no way this motivated all the time, but I try to do what I know would make my mom and Nanny proud most of the time...and they are BAMFs.
20091214
Fembots...Attack!
My female MCT instructor called all the girls "fembots." The guys were Autobots. So funny. I much prefer "fembot" to "female." Female makes it sound clinical...but then again it is. Clinical in the way that "parasite" is. Just something you have to deal with and as such, does not deserve the dignity of a familiarity.
I read a very disturbing article today (it was on Yahoo frontpage or something stupid, but nonetheless) that indicated that female Iraq/Afgan War veterans are receiving, not just sub par care, but...I might go so far as to say discrimination. Comments on their medical records indicating they're PTSD or other such ailments were less severe than guy's because...we don't fight? We simply "ride along" on convoys. Studies showed that well over 50% (Yeah yeah I forgot the actual figure) of female service members have been sexually harassed (and NOT reported it). Ever seen Courage Under Fire?
I'm just sick. Just fucking sick. And, I'm not afraid to admit, on the verge of tears.
While I was on leave a friend asked me if IT was what I expected...being a chick in a man's world. How was I holding up? Did I hate the world yet? I said that in some ways it wasn't as bad as everyone made it sound, but in many it was worse than I could have imagined.
First off...the female Marine. God. Where to start...
There is no winning here. Early on in my stay at the Station here, I got asked if I was one of those bitchy females that beats up guys. I wasn't sure what to say, but I knew what he was getting at. I find myself to be quite pleasant, really, BUT...unfortunately most Marines only respond to 'bitchy.' So, if you are affable and friendly, you aren't taken seriously. But, if you're good at PT (and therefore taken seriously, because PT is all that matters) you are expected to be ferocious and aggressive. I'm not an aggressive person. I'm calm. I'm collected. The Drill Instructors at boot camp were constantly on me to scream at my squad more(squad leader...) but I didn't see the point. I figured I could probably get more done asking (don't get me started on how boot camp ruins people skills). I spent 8 years playing sports with people I mostly hated, but had to deal with daily...shit, hourly. Believe me, I can work with anyone. Shit rolls off my back. But still...all I ever get is "Don't kick my ass!" "oh watch out for McMillian..." Etc. Maybe I play up to it? Maybe. But, more likely people see what they are used to. I'm not gonna act like an ass tobe more like the guys.
Second...its hard to win equality when half of the female Marines I know are an embarrassment. Literally. Being on the quaterdeck isn't what most would call fun...mostly because its embarrassing....but seriously, it's no cause for tears. "Scuzzing" isn't fun but...my god, kids were, no shit, bawling their little eyes out. It is fucking embarrassing. I looked up to my drill instructors and I felt jilted that half those females made it through boot to wear the same uniform as me.
Our DI's told us constantly that male Marines were nasty (mostly because they don't want pregnant 17yo PVTS and PFCs) but they also made it a point to make sure we knew we would have to work twice as hard to be considered even close to equal in their eyes. I would go any number of extra miles to prove that I can hang with the guys...that's just how it is and that's how I am and how it will be for a long time. But it seems a lot of FMs don't really care and are happy being put on the back burner.
Let's not even start with the "barracks whore" stigma. Yes, it happens. There are 5 of us and 500 of them. Ya think that females who aren't used to it might get a little extra attention? Yeah. Shit...I've never been hit on so much in my life (and I live in the hood and have a big ass!). Luckily, I am a tad older than most of these kids and know better. But alas, we are all lumped together no matter what we do.
Our training is the same. Same length, same evolutions, same result. Shit, a lot of guys even say our Drill Instructors are more intimidating. Maybe they are. But they male DI's knocked us down the equality ladder before we even had a chance. They perpetuated that cycle, letting the guys continue to think that we are inferior and don't belong.
I just feel fuckin hopeless. There are so many things in the Marine Corps that I can't do anyway...every new opportunity I see is soon slapped down. I understand, I guess, that-yeah-most females (self included)just can't physically do what, even the average, male can- I learned that the hard way, earning a broken shoulder.
But....at the same time I feel that maybe...just maybe we are a little but more durable than the Marine Corps makes us out to be. I'm working hard to get enough pullups so that I can score well on the Male PFT scale (I'm up to 5...need at least 10 for a First Class). All I fucking want is to be taken seriously and not be a liability, the only thing worse than the proliferation of the female Marine stigma is the danger that it might be true. I just got 250,000 new brothers and I don't want them to think they have to look back, to make sure I'm ok, rather than looking forward to the enemy who might be about to kill them.
SPARTANS...WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?
fuck.
Jes
I read a very disturbing article today (it was on Yahoo frontpage or something stupid, but nonetheless) that indicated that female Iraq/Afgan War veterans are receiving, not just sub par care, but...I might go so far as to say discrimination. Comments on their medical records indicating they're PTSD or other such ailments were less severe than guy's because...we don't fight? We simply "ride along" on convoys. Studies showed that well over 50% (Yeah yeah I forgot the actual figure) of female service members have been sexually harassed (and NOT reported it). Ever seen Courage Under Fire?
I'm just sick. Just fucking sick. And, I'm not afraid to admit, on the verge of tears.
While I was on leave a friend asked me if IT was what I expected...being a chick in a man's world. How was I holding up? Did I hate the world yet? I said that in some ways it wasn't as bad as everyone made it sound, but in many it was worse than I could have imagined.
First off...the female Marine. God. Where to start...
There is no winning here. Early on in my stay at the Station here, I got asked if I was one of those bitchy females that beats up guys. I wasn't sure what to say, but I knew what he was getting at. I find myself to be quite pleasant, really, BUT...unfortunately most Marines only respond to 'bitchy.' So, if you are affable and friendly, you aren't taken seriously. But, if you're good at PT (and therefore taken seriously, because PT is all that matters) you are expected to be ferocious and aggressive. I'm not an aggressive person. I'm calm. I'm collected. The Drill Instructors at boot camp were constantly on me to scream at my squad more(squad leader...) but I didn't see the point. I figured I could probably get more done asking (don't get me started on how boot camp ruins people skills). I spent 8 years playing sports with people I mostly hated, but had to deal with daily...shit, hourly. Believe me, I can work with anyone. Shit rolls off my back. But still...all I ever get is "Don't kick my ass!" "oh watch out for McMillian..." Etc. Maybe I play up to it? Maybe. But, more likely people see what they are used to. I'm not gonna act like an ass tobe more like the guys.
Second...its hard to win equality when half of the female Marines I know are an embarrassment. Literally. Being on the quaterdeck isn't what most would call fun...mostly because its embarrassing....but seriously, it's no cause for tears. "Scuzzing" isn't fun but...my god, kids were, no shit, bawling their little eyes out. It is fucking embarrassing. I looked up to my drill instructors and I felt jilted that half those females made it through boot to wear the same uniform as me.
Our DI's told us constantly that male Marines were nasty (mostly because they don't want pregnant 17yo PVTS and PFCs) but they also made it a point to make sure we knew we would have to work twice as hard to be considered even close to equal in their eyes. I would go any number of extra miles to prove that I can hang with the guys...that's just how it is and that's how I am and how it will be for a long time. But it seems a lot of FMs don't really care and are happy being put on the back burner.
Let's not even start with the "barracks whore" stigma. Yes, it happens. There are 5 of us and 500 of them. Ya think that females who aren't used to it might get a little extra attention? Yeah. Shit...I've never been hit on so much in my life (and I live in the hood and have a big ass!). Luckily, I am a tad older than most of these kids and know better. But alas, we are all lumped together no matter what we do.
Our training is the same. Same length, same evolutions, same result. Shit, a lot of guys even say our Drill Instructors are more intimidating. Maybe they are. But they male DI's knocked us down the equality ladder before we even had a chance. They perpetuated that cycle, letting the guys continue to think that we are inferior and don't belong.
I just feel fuckin hopeless. There are so many things in the Marine Corps that I can't do anyway...every new opportunity I see is soon slapped down. I understand, I guess, that-yeah-most females (self included)just can't physically do what, even the average, male can- I learned that the hard way, earning a broken shoulder.
But....at the same time I feel that maybe...just maybe we are a little but more durable than the Marine Corps makes us out to be. I'm working hard to get enough pullups so that I can score well on the Male PFT scale (I'm up to 5...need at least 10 for a First Class). All I fucking want is to be taken seriously and not be a liability, the only thing worse than the proliferation of the female Marine stigma is the danger that it might be true. I just got 250,000 new brothers and I don't want them to think they have to look back, to make sure I'm ok, rather than looking forward to the enemy who might be about to kill them.
SPARTANS...WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?
fuck.
Jes
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